


touch and go (don't let go)

by cathect



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Demon Shane Madej, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ryan Really Likes Pizza and Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathect/pseuds/cathect
Summary: -His boyfriend is, in theory, about to get ambushed. Shane is taking care of all of thistonight, no matter how much he really doesn’t want to. He’s going to sit Ryan down and they’re going to talk about things, god dammit. The thought makes Shane’s stomach turn over and he drags his hands down his face.For the first time in a long time, Shane has no idea how his night is going to pan out.-or, the one where shane tells ryan he's a demon.





	touch and go (don't let go)

**Author's Note:**

> alright, guys. i finally wrote some shyan. and of _course_ it's demon!shane. it had to be.
> 
> thank you as always to erin for beta'ing!

It doesn’t happen because Shane wants it to.

Not even close; frankly, if Shane could keep Ryan in the dark forever, he would. But that just isn’t realistic, given the nature of the show, their new relationship, and the way that Ryan’s been acting lately.

Shane’s been trying to ignore the last part, because sometimes Ryan just _gets_ like this: he lays into himself too harshly and basically turns into one big ball of self-doubt. But this time is… well, it’s different. It’s darker, Shane can tell. The disappointment Ryan has in himself runs midnight black through his veins, and it hurts every time Shane feels it.

That’s the other thing: Shane really shouldn’t be using his abilities for that reason, knows it’s wrong, but sometimes he just can’t help it. Besides, it never really gives him anything positive anyway; he could never tell _before_ when Ryan was flirting with him, or when he did something that put Ryan in a particularly good mood. But anger, grief, and the other myriad of negative emotions? He can sniff those out like a fucking bloodhound.

Lately, that’s all Ryan’s been feeling: negative. He’s been doing a good job of covering it up, sure. He’s always been good at faking a smile, even around Shane. In fact, if Shane didn’t have the whole demonic-being-with-supernatural-powers thing going on, he’s not sure he’d ever be able to tell the difference. But he _can_ tell, and that’s why he _has_ to do this.

He makes the text as nonchalant as possible.

**_from: shane  
_** _[6:43pm] you wanna come over for dinner?_

**_from: ryan  
_** _[6:44pm] are you cooking?_

**_from: shane  
_** _[6:44pm] god, no. we can order a pizza._

Ryan sends back a few emojis as his response: the angel-smiley face, the clapping hands and, of course, the slice of pizza. Shane returns the sentiment with an eye-rolling emoji, and then sets his phone face-down on the counter, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach.

His boyfriend is, in theory, about to get ambushed. Shane is taking care of all of this _tonight_ , no matter how much he really doesn’t want to. He’s going to sit Ryan down and they’re going to talk about things, god dammit. The thought makes Shane’s stomach turn over and he drags his hands down his face.

For the first time in a long time, Shane has no idea how his night is going to pan out.

-

“Holy shit, that was the best pizza I’ve ever had.” Ryan leans back on the couch and pats his stomach with a smile.

Shane snorts. “You say that about every pizza.”

“Mmhmm,” Ryan agrees. “And it’s true every time.”

“You know, I’m starting to think you don’t know what the word _best_ means.” Shane’s grin goes from sardonic to fond in the blink of an eye when Ryan grabs onto a handful of his shirt and uses it as leverage to climb into Shane’s lap.

“So if I called you the best boyfriend?” Ryan asks, fucking batting his eyelashes like the tone of his voice wasn’t enough. He’s doing that pouty-lip thing that just drives Shane _insane_ , and Shane is starting to forget why he asked Ryan to come over in the first place.

“I’d say you _definitely_ don’t know what it means.”

Ryan starts leaning down, and Shane is almost helpless to stop it— really, he could just do this another night, it doesn’t _have_ to be tonight. He’s helpless, save for that stupid nagging voice in the back of his mind that keeps reminding him how important this is. How important _Ryan_ is.

“Ryan.” Shane puts a gentle hand on Ryan’s chest to keep him from moving any closer. By the look of disappointment on Ryan’s face, Shane might as well have kicked him.

“Something wrong?” Ryan asks, sounding nervous in a way that Shane knows he isn’t intentionally letting on.

Shane shakes his head. “God, no. Nothing’s wrong.” Shane swallows hard and clears his throat. “But I asked you to come over because I want to talk to you about something.”

“Okay…” Ryan draws out the word and slides out of Shane’s lap, falling back onto the couch next to him. “You sure nothing’s wrong? Because that kind of sounds like the beginning of a breakup, dude.” He’s playing it off like a joke, but that tangible feeling of his anxiety hasn’t gone away yet. Shane can practically taste it.

“I’m not breaking up with you, Ryan,” Shane assures him. “I promise that’s not what this is.” Ryan breathes out a little sigh of relief, and Shane turns on the couch so they’re facing each other more. “You’ve just been so down on yourself lately, and—”

“What are you talking about?” Ryan interjects, arms crossing over his chest defensively. Shane can practically see him building a wall between them, brick by brick, and he knows his only hope is to take a sledgehammer to it before the cement dries.

“Ryan.” Shane leaves no room for argument. He doesn’t say anything more but, the longer he stares at Ryan, the more tension bleeds from Ryan’s arms until he drops them to his sides again in defeat.

“I just—?” His voice cracks on the second word, and he blinks hard like he’s holding back tears. The sudden rush of sadness and, fuck, _shame_ from Ryan smacks Shane in the face. “It’s starting to get really hard, you know? Looking for proof and not finding any and— _fuck_ this sounds so fucking stupid.”

Shane shakes his head and reaches out for Ryan, settles for holding his hands instead of taking him into his arms. “It doesn’t sound stupid,” he says truthfully. He’s sort of drowning in all of Ryan’s emotions, but he won’t let it show. He wades through the frustration and fear and squeezes Ryan’s hands. “It doesn’t.”

“I guess it’s just been digging at me more than usual.” Ryan’s voice wobbles. “Other people go to the same places as us, do the same things, and get results. It just. It feels like something doesn’t want me to get them, like something is keeping it from happening.”

The guilt flares up in Shane’s gut in an instant; something _is_ keeping it from happening, but half the time it’s not intentional, and the rest of the time it’s because Ryan insists on putting himself in the most dangerous supernatural situations he can think of. At this point, Shane is just keeping him from getting himself killed. It has nothing to do with the show or Ryan finding proof.

“Or,” Ryan says, looking down. His grip loosens on Shane’s hands like he wants to pull away. “Or maybe it’s childish of me to believe in this stuff at all. Ghosts and demons. Fucking _stupid_.”

This is Shane’s chance. Ryan has opened the door to the topic, and he might as well be guiding Shane in for the landing with orange batons, but Shane still hesitates. Once he tells him, there’s no going back. This could ruin everything— their relationship, their _friendship_. Ryan is the person that Shane cares about most, and it could all go up in flames.

Shane takes a shaky breath. “Ryan, listen.”

“No, I know what you’re going to say.” Ryan says. And, god, he _really_ doesn’t. “I know you think it’s all bullshit anyway.” He starts to pull his hands away, and that jolts Shane into action.

“I don’t,” he says without thinking. “I don’t think it’s all bullshit.”

Ryan laughs. “Yeah, I know. Bigfoot.”

“No, I mean.” Shane’s entire body feels tense, like he’s going to burn up or just implode on the spot. “Ghosts, demons, you name it. I believe in it all.”

“This won’t make me feel better, Shane,” Ryan says wetly. “It’s not a joke.” He looks so hurt. He  _feels_ so hurt. Fuck, Shane really needs to speed this along before Ryan just gets up and leaves.

“I know it’s not.” He strokes his thumbs over the backs of Ryan’s hands. “I know.”

They fall silent for a moment, and it feels a lot like the calm before the storm.

Before Shane can think better of it, he rises to his feet and tugs Ryan with him. “I’m going to show you something,” he says. “Okay?”

Ryan raises an eyebrow, but nods. “Umm. Okay?”

“You have to promise me you won’t freak out.” Shane knows he sounds desperate, and he is. He needs Ryan to not freak out. He needs Ryan to stay.

“Shane, what the fuck is going—?”

“Promise me, Ryan.” Shane squeezes his hands for emphasis and Ryan, clearly a little panicked, nods.

“Okay, okay,” he says. “I promise.”

Shane nods and closes his eyes. For a moment, he doesn’t do anything but breathe. Ryan’s anticipation is heavy in the air around them, but he doesn’t say anything. Shane silently counts to five, takes another deep breath, and lets his glamour fade. The air ripples as his human form falls away and the tension around them only grows thicker.

He only takes off some of it; it’s enough to get his point across, but not enough to scar Ryan for life— he hopes. His eyes go black behind his eyelids and he knows by the small intake of breath that Ryan can see his horns. He’s a little tempted to bring out his wings, if just to stretch them out for a minute, but that’s probably too much. Besides, he might knock something off a shelf like last time.

When he opens his eyes, Ryan jerks his hands away like he’s been burned.

“What the fuck?” Ryan yells. Not exactly the most elegant response, but already better than Shane was expecting, even if the feeling of his fear is so intense that it _hurts_. It seems to suck all the air from the room until there’s nothing left. “What the fuck are you and what have you done with Shane?”

Shane laughs a little. “No, Ryan, I—”

“Stay the fuck away from me, you fucking— fucking _demon_.” Ryan dips down to grab his phone off the coffee table before taking a few more steps back. He unlocks it and stares at the screen, and Shane can practically hear his thoughts: who the fuck is he going to call?

“Ryan,” Shane tries again. “Listen to me.”

“How long have you been possessing him?” Ryan asks, like he can’t help himself. If Ryan really thinks that Shane is possessed, he should be running away, not asking questions. This is _exactly_ why Shane always protects him. “Is this why he’s been acting weird?”

“Okay, first of all, I haven’t been acting weird.” Shane scoffs. “Second of all, you’re not getting what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Which is _what_ , exactly?” Ryan is turned a little sideways, like he can protect himself.

“I’m not being possessed by a demon,” Shane says. It feels like the confession is made of broken glass as it drags its way up Shane’s throat. “I _am_ a demon.”

Ryan shakes his head, eyes still wide. “That’s not possible.” He shakes his head again, harder this time. Shane can feel his fear melting into confusion, then into anger, then back to confusion again as he presumably tries to process what Shane is saying. “It can’t be.”

Shane steps closer and reaches for Ryan’s hands again, and Ryan doesn’t pull away. Shane tugs them up, splays them out over his own cheeks so Ryan is holding his face and, when he blinks, his eyes are back to their regular brown.

“It’s me, Ry,” he says softly.

It feels like time stands still, like the whole universe is holding its breath while Ryan figures out how to speak again. His mouth opens and closes a few times, and Shane tries his hardest not to laugh at the strikingly fish-like picture. It’s pretty easy with his entire life on the line.

“Show me again,” Ryan finally says. His gaze flicks jack rabbit-fast between Shane’s eyes, and he gasps softly when Shane turns them black again. He doesn’t seem scared anymore; in fact, he takes a step closer. “This is all real, isn’t it.”

It’s not really a question, but Shane answers anyway. “Yeah,” he says, hands settling on Ryan’s hips. “Yeah, it is.” Ryan strokes his thumb over Shane’s cheek, and grins.

“I fucking _knew_ it,” he says. “I just— I knew it!” He sounds like a kid in a candy store, and Shane can’t even fault him for it. All the negativity in the room has melted away and Shane finally feels like he can breathe again. “Oh my god. I have, like, a billion questions.”

Shane chuckles, nuzzling his nose against Ryan’s forehead affectionately. “Ask away. I’ll answer what I can.”

“Maybe not right now,” Ryan says, letting his arms fall around Shane’s neck. “I think my head might actually explode.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” Shane agrees. “So, how about we watch a movie or something, and come back to all the demon stuff later?”

Ryan nods and leans back to look up at Shane with a smile. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

They amble back over to the couch and get settled: Shane with his feet up on the coffee table and Ryan tucked under his arm. Ryan burrows into his side, looking up at him. Shane lets him stare, figures it’s only fair, and busies himself with scrolling through Netflix.

“Mm!” Ryan exclaims suddenly. “I do have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“What about other stuff?” Ryan asks. Shane looks down at him with a raised eyebrow, and Ryan continues. “Like… mermaids, or werewolves, or— or _vampires_. Oh my god, Shane, what about vampires?”

Shane laughs and kisses Ryan’s cheek loudly. “You’ll have to figure those out for yourself, babe,” he says against his skin. He feels it when Ryan smiles.

“Oh, I plan to.”


End file.
